Face ID Not Working [Fixed. Please see the approved answer for details.]

Wow, it's been 2 or 3 months since I visited this thread and downgraded to 1P7, which has been mostly working fine, but I figured by now things must have been sorted out. I am utterly speechless that a bug this central to the 1P experience affecting this many people has not been fixed, nor has any ETA been shared with the thousands of people in this thread. In the decade plus I've used this software, I've never experienced anything like this. This company has, in my book, some of the best customer support around, so I have to assume this fix is not a top priority, or there'd be more communication about when the fix will be live.